|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Nightmare I can't breathe
I can't move
All I can do is watch
As I lose
Lose this battle
Break the promises
Reach for the knife
And end my torment
Look at the knife pressed on my wrist
Is this the right thing to do?
My head soon filled with memories
The hurtful words, the evil laughs
The imprisoning acts
Condemning me to silence
Or else the pain will last
Having remembered all this
I have made my decision
I drag the knife down my wrist
Making a big incision
The room spins
I feel myself fall
But I don't feel pain
I wake up
Breaking into a cold sweat
Checking my arm
Thank god it was all
Just a horrible nightmare
No one's listening. . .With every breath I take
I feel as if there's someone hammering at my head
And clawing at my heart
With every move I make
Something is tearing me apart
Making me grow weak
With every word I speak
Someone else gets hurt
And I'm ignored once more
So tell me...
What's the point of me screaming
If there's no one to listen?
WeaknessEmptiness fills me
Runs through my veins
Makes them run cold
I want to scream
But my screams turn into sobs
I want to shoot daggers into your back with my eyes
But those daggers turn into tears
Weak, pittyful tears
I make myself sick
Is a sign of weakness
If you're weak, you get taken advantage of
And I don't want that to happen to me
Although I think it's already too late...
WrongAm I wrong
To want to scream at you
until my throat hurts?
Am I wrong
To want to tie you to the door
So you won't be able to leave me once again?
Am I wrong
To want to believe
That I don't need you anymore,even though I know I do?
To want to just grab a knife
And end my life?
Am I wrong
To want to hide my feelings from you
Because I know you wouldn't care anyways?
Am I wrong
To want to hurt you
Even though I know I would never dare?
Is it wrong
To miss you the way I do?
BrokenBroke my heart
You broke it in two
Do you realize
What you put me through?
I'll never believe in love again
I don't think we can ever be friends
I can't shake my feelings for you
No matter how much you put me through
I loved you so much
But to no luck
This little game you like to play
Breaking all these innocent hearts
But soon enough you will pay
One day your heart will break in two
You'll realize what Hell you put me through
And no longer am I going to wait
For now I am filled with such dreadful hate
It's eating me up, eating me alive
And no one can see I'm broken inside
LiesI've lied to myself
How could I ever be happy?
Nobody would ever let that happen
My sadness is their power
They feed off my anger
Even stronger every time
Knocking me down more easily
The illusion of happiness
Was nice while it lasted
Now it's time to face reality
And bring that fake smile out once more
Hide the tears that well up in my eyes
And hide the scars that reside on my arms
The monster in the mirrorI look in the mirror and all I see
Is that freaky little monster staring back at me
She does so much damage but means no harm
Her parents she does not want to alarm
So she keeps her feelings bottled up inside
Paints on a smile and acts like everything is fine
Puts on long sleeves and pretends the scars aren't there
It's not like anyone would even care
She waits until nighttime to sit and cry
Thinks about how much she wants to die
When everyone's asleep, she lies awake
Thinking of how many pills she'd have to take
Or how deep the wound would have to be
So people would finally hear her plea
Her need to see blood pour from her wrist
The pain that she had missed
It feels so good but it is so awful
The damage done to me has been so brutal
She looks at herself and makes a face of disgust
Wonders if there's anyone else she can trust
She sheds her tears every day
Wondering when the world won't look so gray
She doesn't hurt like she hurt before
With all the pain she's had to endure
I think she'
Untitled.I love him
Does he feel the same?
The dark shadow has become
Wild and difficult to tame
He's the only thing normal in my life
Far different from the blood and the knife
I have gone so long without
Barely getting through this emotional drought
So many secrets I have kept
Overthinking and hoping to die
In the morning start all the lies
How am I? Fine
What's wrong? Nothing
When in fact, I've never been fine
I've always been hurting
In the mirror I look in disgust
Looking left and right, no one left to trust
In the mirror
I see the monster
Staring me down
Whispering bitter, empty promises
A permenant solution
To a petty situation
Another red line
Chills run down my spine
The knife's not very far
I have to resist
I have to try
I can't break the promises
Right now... I can't die
RestlessI lie awake
Millions of things running through my mind
How to calm this heartache
How my sanity is becoming harder to find
How to help him
How to keep him alive at least one more year
It's my life for his
I'm willing to do it, I have no fear
Everyone else is worried about me
I'm the only one that's not
So why won't you just leave me be?
This battle I have to fight
It can't on for too long
I will not win in the end
For I am not strong
I have been bent
But this time I fear I will be broken
DespairIt really gets you tired
When your silent pain
Doesn't come out
Even the darkest flowers bloom
... Don't they?
See the world wither away
As our blood covers the ice
It's taking our light away
Once your eyes used to shine
Now I see only darkness in them
And now even the most bitter tears
Can't turn your head down anymore
It's turning you cold
Once so beautiful voice
It's whispers cannot reach us
See my sarcastic smile
As the blood flows
Down, down, down...
I was never strong enough
To pray for salvation
It died to my lips before I got it out
" Save me, save me.. "
You never heard my silent pleads
Where are those wings
Once so pure, white, innocent
Wings now rotten, dark, vicious
Angel fell once again
It's coming to an end...
I need to let it out
Let the pain out
Out of me
Out of my heart
My dying heart
Let me go
Don't do this to me
Release the despair
Let me be free
Even one day
Even one night
Find my tears
Bring me back
Day for a DepressiveDragging along is a simple thing
here there is no pleasure;
Walking numb without a course
FearI'm so afraid of life
Everything that I encounter
Brings fear to my heart
Won't anyone help me!?
Won't anyone see?
Their actions and words
Bring fear to my heart
I beg you
Please let me end my agony
I'm not like you
I'm not normal
I'm not emo
I'm not popular
I'm a pure loner
There is no pack for me to run with
There is no group that I can call my own
Nowhere am I safe
Nowhere am I at peace
Nowhere do I belong
I have friends
I have family
I know they love me
I know they care
But they don't know what I go through
What I experience
They can't understand it
Only one man do I trust
One who I tell my secrets
To him I cling
But only tentatively
Only as much as I dare
He's a mentor
To him I can turn
But for how long?
How long can I be comforted
By his words and his counsel
Before my fear takes over
And drives me from him too?
Please let me die
Please let me go
Before that happens
Let me die
Kindness Passed By (The Scapegoat)Those with a gentle heart get kicked first
They are the ones who are always taken for granted
I was always that person
I am that person
I am responsible for the actions of those around me
It is my job to make everything right
Even if it is not my fault
I am the scapegoat
I am used for my kindness
And blamed when things go wrong
But I don't mind
I never mind
Because it is my job to fix this
Its my job to fix everything
At the end of the day
You still won't remember my name
You don't remember me
I am the scapegoat
And I don't mind
I can't mind
Why do I cutWhy do I cut?
Sometimes I don't know why
There are so many reasons to cut
And so many reasons not to
It began as a plea
A plea to those around me
A plea for help
I didn't know what to do with myself
I needed help
And I didn't know how to help myself
So I cut
Then it was a punishment
I made myself suffer for being me
I made myself hurt for being on the edge of society
I made myself bleed for my awkwardness
I was on the outside looking in
Jealous that life came so easily to others
So I cut
Next it was an art form
I couldn't comprehend what was going on
I didn't understand why I was dragged into darkness
I couldn't explain my pain to myself
I didn't know why it was happening
I couldn't fathom the pain
I only began to recognize what it was
When my limbs were covered in bleeding cuts
It wouldn't make sense without visualization
So I cut
Now it is a comforter
I am haunted every moment
By dark feelings
That can't seem to be explained
Even when I am fine
I can't help but look over my shoulder
I Thought You Were The One.You're the one
who's supposed to see the real me.
see through the plaster smile
and see the pool of pent up tears
and purple scars.
you can't see.
You don't take enough time
to even try to see.
I thought you were the one
who was finally
going to break my chains,
set me free.
no one will ever
be able to see
the real me.
Help Me..?I thought I hit
I thought I could
Only go up now
I though it was
Hard then . . .
Letting go of the wall
I fall faster
It wasnt the bottom
Just a shelf
I cant see anymore
Nothing but black
A bit farther everyday
Not getting better
I hope for light
But I learn
The black only gets darker
Insanity.Running up and down the halls,
Never looking back but never looking forward.
Screaming, crawling, clawing,
The worst case they have seen yet.
The voices in my head,
The writing on the wall.
It's enough to make you scream,
It's enough to make you weep.
Crawling on the walls,
Scribbling blood on the floor.
Spelling out the voices in your head,
Insane, you're all Insane.
Come and join this fun filled house,
We welcome you and your guests.
The sane are not welcome,
But the insane, well....you're already dead.
She was a Beauty...
She was a beauty with sorrow-filled eyes,
A mask of hope was her only disguise.
She was searching for something she had yet to find,
Slowly but surely, she's losing her mind.
She was a beauty with scars so condensed,
While her sanity faded the pain would commence.
She crawled across the floor in search of her dreams,
Finding only nightmares filled with piercing silent screams.
She was a beauty with a twisted mind,
Thoughts dripping with venom filled her every sigh.
Her arms are covered with words of hate,
She feared her end, her despicable fate.
She is a beauty with empty eyes,
She wears no mask, she has nothing to hide.
When she lost her mind she found the knife,
Slowly but surely, she's losing her life.
five hour energyi suppose
last week was only an aftershock
of the earthquake you were before.
this place used to vibrate
with metal strings and melodic,
testimonies to life,
emitting coffee-scented moods
and the burn of it too.
i had memorized the
sounds of silence,
i couldn't help but relish it.
no longer had i known
the sounds of folk
and scent of mocha-
you became nothing more
than an echo of the laughter
i so desperately needed to hear again.
then the echoes got louder,
bouncing ferociously off the walls
to be made manifest
i walked into your room
expecting exactly what i found-
an unmade bed,
and an empty beer
(the one that you insisted you needed
just days ago).
i pressed my nose
into the pillow
for incense and cologne and starbucks
to penetrate my mind
and thinking fervently
i already know
what a clean sheet smells like."
how strong an aftershock can be,
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More