Hurting on the inside
With everything to hide
Not letting anyone in
My blood running thin
Barely enough to keep me alive
But enough to keep me
Nightmare I can't breathe
I can't move
All I can do is watch
As I lose
Lose this battle
Break the promises
Reach for the knife
And end my torment
Look at the knife pressed on my wrist
Is this the right thing to do?
My head soon filled with memories
The hurtful words, the evil laughs
The imprisoning acts
Condemning me to silence
Or else the pain will last
Having remembered all this
I have made my decision
I drag the knife down my wrist
Making a big incision
The room spins
I feel myself fall
But I don't feel pain
I wake up
Breaking into a cold sweat
Checking my arm
Thank god it was all
Just a horrible nightmare
No one's listening. . .With every breath I take
I feel as if there's someone hammering at my head
And clawing at my heart
With every move I make
Something is tearing me apart
Making me grow weak
With every word I speak
Someone else gets hurt
And I'm ignored once more
So tell me...
What's the point of me screaming
If there's no one to listen?
Untitled.I love him
Does he feel the same?
The dark shadow has become
Wild and difficult to tame
He's the only thing normal in my life
Far different from the blood and the knife
I have gone so long without
Barely getting through this emotional drought
So many secrets I have kept
Overthinking and hoping to die
In the morning start all the lies
How am I? Fine
What's wrong? Nothing
When in fact, I've never been fine
I've always been hurting
In the mirror I look in disgust
Looking left and right, no one left to trust
In the mirror
I see the monster
Staring me down
Whispering bitter, empty promises
A permenant solution
To a petty situation
Another red line
Chills run down my spine
The knife's not very far
I have to resist
I have to try
I can't break the promises
Right now... I can't die
Weird, fat, and depressed
Obviously, not like other chicks
I understand that
But why do you have to
Point it out every
Fucking chance you get?
There has to be
Something even remotely
WrongAm I wrong
To want to scream at you
until my throat hurts?
Am I wrong
To want to tie you to the door
So you won't be able to leave me once again?
Am I wrong
To want to believe
That I don't need you anymore,even though I know I do?
To want to just grab a knife
And end my life?
Am I wrong
To want to hide my feelings from you
Because I know you wouldn't care anyways?
Am I wrong
To want to hurt you
Even though I know I would never dare?
Is it wrong
To miss you the way I do?
The monster in the mirrorI look in the mirror and all I see
Is that freaky little monster staring back at me
She does so much damage but means no harm
Her parents she does not want to alarm
So she keeps her feelings bottled up inside
Paints on a smile and acts like everything is fine
Puts on long sleeves and pretends the scars aren't there
It's not like anyone would even care
She waits until nighttime to sit and cry
Thinks about how much she wants to die
When everyone's asleep, she lies awake
Thinking of how many pills she'd have to take
Or how deep the wound would have to be
So people would finally hear her plea
Her need to see blood pour from her wrist
The pain that she had missed
It feels so good but it is so awful
The damage done to me has been so brutal
She looks at herself and makes a face of disgust
Wonders if there's anyone else she can trust
She sheds her tears every day
Wondering when the world won't look so gray
She doesn't hurt like she hurt before
With all the pain she's had to endure
I think she'
RestlessI lie awake
Millions of things running through my mind
How to calm this heartache
How my sanity is becoming harder to find
How to help him
How to keep him alive at least one more year
It's my life for his
I'm willing to do it, I have no fear
Everyone else is worried about me
I'm the only one that's not
So why won't you just leave me be?
This battle I have to fight
It can't on for too long
I will not win in the end
For I am not strong
I have been bent
But this time I fear I will be broken
LiesI've lied to myself
How could I ever be happy?
Nobody would ever let that happen
My sadness is their power
They feed off my anger
Even stronger every time
Knocking me down more easily
The illusion of happiness
Was nice while it lasted
Now it's time to face reality
And bring that fake smile out once more
Hide the tears that well up in my eyes
And hide the scars that reside on my arms
WeaknessEmptiness fills me
Runs through my veins
Makes them run cold
I want to scream
But my screams turn into sobs
I want to shoot daggers into your back with my eyes
But those daggers turn into tears
Weak, pittyful tears
I make myself sick
Is a sign of weakness
If you're weak, you get taken advantage of
And I don't want that to happen to me
Although I think it's already too late...
Not Strong EnoughMy other arm
A clean canvas
Waiting to be turned into art
With red liquid
Slashed and gashed on it
The razor is my brush
How it can leave it's mark on the canvas
Without having ink or paint
The clean canvas
It wants to be drawn on
The need grows stronger
Although I opposed myself to it
I'm not strong enough...
I am NOT Crazy...I feel like I'm going crazy
I'm alone every fucking day and
There's nothing I can do about it
When I'm around people
They irritate the crap out of me
With their stupid questions
"Are you okay?"
When what they're really thinking is
"Give me a reason to send you away
away from everyone
to rot and not bother anyone
They never say that
Instead they drive me even more crazy
I don't need this shit
I don't want this life
I'm a useless waste of space
I don't need you to tell me
I already know
I knew before you did
Why do you think I have these SCARS?!
THEY DID THIS TO YOU!
No, That wasn't me speaking
That was the little voice in my head
I'm the only one to blame
NO! THEY MADE YOU CRAZY!
THEY MADE YOU NOTICE MY PRESCENCE!
THEY MADE YOU THIS WAY!
But who is they?
Wait, why am I responding to you
You're not real
THOSE PEOPLE THAT LEAVE YOU ALONE
ALL THE TIME!
It's not their faul
BrokenBroke my heart
You broke it in two
Do you realize
What you put me through?
I'll never believe in love again
I don't think we can ever be friends
I can't shake my feelings for you
No matter how much you put me through
I loved you so much
But to no luck
This little game you like to play
Breaking all these innocent hearts
But soon enough you will pay
One day your heart will break in two
You'll realize what Hell you put me through
And no longer am I going to wait
For now I am filled with such dreadful hate
It's eating me up, eating me alive
And no one can see I'm broken inside
Day for a DepressiveDragging along is a simple thing
here there is no pleasure;
Walking numb without a course
Fake Smile's.A smile is a sign that someone is happy,
no one ever thinks otherwise.
Sometime's a frown forms on peoples lips,
but when your hiding something.
You smile to hide the frown,
With out the smile your open to the world.
All your pain and misery,
And you dont want that.
After time the smile is an enemy,
And a war with yourself starts.
A side of sadness and a side of happiness,
Sadness is winning.
Time has caused to many painfull memories,
And the happy one's to fade.
The clock is ticking,
It's a bomb that could explode any minuet.
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
Something snaps within you.
Your screaming and scratching yourself,
Yelling at yourself in a mirror.
The word's of which your parents used,
Your using them now.
The sadness has won and you smash the glass to pieces,
Falling to the floor, blood all around you.
You finally smile with happiness,
realising this is the end.
And your acctualy happy,
The smile is not fake, but it's real.
Why do I cutWhy do I cut?
Sometimes I don't know why
There are so many reasons to cut
And so many reasons not to
It began as a plea
A plea to those around me
A plea for help
I didn't know what to do with myself
I needed help
And I didn't know how to help myself
So I cut
Then it was a punishment
I made myself suffer for being me
I made myself hurt for being on the edge of society
I made myself bleed for my awkwardness
I was on the outside looking in
Jealous that life came so easily to others
So I cut
Next it was an art form
I couldn't comprehend what was going on
I didn't understand why I was dragged into darkness
I couldn't explain my pain to myself
I didn't know why it was happening
I couldn't fathom the pain
I only began to recognize what it was
When my limbs were covered in bleeding cuts
It wouldn't make sense without visualization
So I cut
Now it is a comforter
I am haunted every moment
By dark feelings
That can't seem to be explained
Even when I am fine
I can't help but look over my shoulder
DespairIt really gets you tired
When your silent pain
Doesn't come out
Even the darkest flowers bloom
... Don't they?
See the world wither away
As our blood covers the ice
It's taking our light away
Once your eyes used to shine
Now I see only darkness in them
And now even the most bitter tears
Can't turn your head down anymore
It's turning you cold
Once so beautiful voice
It's whispers cannot reach us
See my sarcastic smile
As the blood flows
Down, down, down...
I was never strong enough
To pray for salvation
It died to my lips before I got it out
" Save me, save me.. "
You never heard my silent pleads
Where are those wings
Once so pure, white, innocent
Wings now rotten, dark, vicious
Angel fell once again
It's coming to an end...
I need to let it out
Let the pain out
Out of me
Out of my heart
My dying heart
Let me go
Don't do this to me
Release the despair
Let me be free
Even one day
Even one night
Find my tears
Bring me back
Sleepless NightsAs I lay
On those sleepless nights
Watching the blood seep
My head is
Swimming with wretched thoughts
Depriving me of sleep.
I sometimes wonder
What would happen if
I let the blade cut too deep.
Insanity.Running up and down the halls,
Never looking back but never looking forward.
Screaming, crawling, clawing,
The worst case they have seen yet.
The voices in my head,
The writing on the wall.
It's enough to make you scream,
It's enough to make you weep.
Crawling on the walls,
Scribbling blood on the floor.
Spelling out the voices in your head,
Insane, you're all Insane.
Come and join this fun filled house,
We welcome you and your guests.
The sane are not welcome,
But the insane, well....you're already dead.
She's a DisasterWatch me laugh
it's so fucked up because
I walk around
and I don't even know how
because my bones are gone.
I think I've been reduced
to a pile on the floor.
Look over that way,
do you see me
folded up in the corner?
laugh, laugh, laugh
Really, it's all just funny
even though it isn't.
I'm cracking up and melting down
and freaking out
and I'm laughing all the while.
And then I'm crying.
Look over that way,
do you see me caving in?
cry, cry, cry
and I don't even know why.
I Thought You Were The One.You're the one
who's supposed to see the real me.
see through the plaster smile
and see the pool of pent up tears
and purple scars.
you can't see.
You don't take enough time
to even try to see.
I thought you were the one
who was finally
going to break my chains,
set me free.
no one will ever
be able to see
the real me.
Day 2-Cold FrontI'm not a cold person
I have feelings
I want to be popular
I want to be wanted
I may put on a brave face
I may seem abrasive
I may seem snotty
But I'm just waiting
For that one person
Who's willing to break down
And see me as the person
I am on the inside
It just takes one person
To make it all better
To take away the pain
To take me away from the
To a place for just the
Two of us
For a person
To kiss my scars
And see the beautiful
Me that resides on the inside
Just one person to
Tear down my barrier
She was a Beauty...
She was a beauty with sorrow-filled eyes,
A mask of hope was her only disguise.
She was searching for something she had yet to find,
Slowly but surely, she's losing her mind.
She was a beauty with scars so condensed,
While her sanity faded the pain would commence.
She crawled across the floor in search of her dreams,
Finding only nightmares filled with piercing silent screams.
She was a beauty with a twisted mind,
Thoughts dripping with venom filled her every sigh.
Her arms are covered with words of hate,
She feared her end, her despicable fate.
She is a beauty with empty eyes,
She wears no mask, she has nothing to hide.
When she lost her mind she found the knife,
Slowly but surely, she's losing her life.
Only One Friend.She has only one friend;
leaves her cold and alone,
withered and broken.
with having only one friend.
to tell all of her secrets to,
to cry about hard times with,
to give her a reality check,
to talk about her parents
and her home life,
to talk about the stress
of the weight of the world.
To tell everything to.
To relieve everything.
Only this one friend
knows all about her.
But who is her friend?
Her razor blade.