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Untitled.I love him
Does he feel the same?
The dark shadow has become
Wild and difficult to tame
He's the only thing normal in my life
Far different from the blood and the knife
I have gone so long without
Barely getting through this emotional drought
So many secrets I have kept
Overthinking and hoping to die
In the morning start all the lies
How am I? Fine
What's wrong? Nothing
When in fact, I've never been fine
I've always been hurting
In the mirror I look in disgust
Looking left and right, no one left to trust
In the mirror
I see the monster
Staring me down
Whispering bitter, empty promises
Tormenting me
A permenant solution
RestlessI lie awake
Millions of things running through my mind
How to calm this heartache
How my sanity is becoming harder to find
How to help him
How to keep him alive at least one more year
It's my life for his
I'm willing to do it, I have no fear
Everyone else is worried about me
I'm the only one that's not
So why won't you just leave me be?
This battle I have to fight
It can't on for too long
I will not win in the end
For I am not strong
I have been bent
But this time I fear I will be broken
BrokenBroke my heart
You broke it in two
Do you realize
What you put me through?
I'll never believe in love again
I don't think we can ever be friends
I can't shake my feelings for you
No matter how much you put me through
I loved you so much
But to no luck
This little game you like to play
Breaking all these innocent hearts
But soon enough you will pay
One day your heart will break in two
You'll realize what Hell you put me through
And no longer am I going to wait
For now I am filled with such dreadful hate
It's eating me up, eating me alive
And no one can see I'm broken inside
No one's listening. . .With every breath I take
I feel as if there's someone hammering at my head
And clawing at my heart

With every move I make
Something is tearing me apart
Making me grow weak

With every word I speak
Someone else gets hurt
And I'm ignored once more

So tell me...

What's the point of me screaming
If there's no one to listen?
Heartless ShadowAlone in the darkness
Where no one else can see
A place where I can run away
A place for me to bleed

The tragedy seems endless
It has not faded with time
I still ache, I still hurt
That time, you'd crossed the line

You shouldn't have shown affection
I shouldn't have become attached
When in the end I always knew
That this love would never last
LiesI've lied to myself
How could I ever be happy?
Nobody would ever let that happen

My sadness is their power
They feed off my anger
Even stronger every time
Knocking me down more easily
EVERY TIME

The illusion of happiness
Was nice while it lasted
Now it's time to face reality
And bring that fake smile out once more
Hide the tears that well up in my eyes
And hide the scars that reside on my arms
I am NOT Crazy...I feel like I'm going crazy
I'm alone every fucking day and
There's nothing I can do about it
When I'm around people
They irritate the crap out of me
With their stupid questions
"Are you okay?"
When what they're really thinking is
"Give me a reason to send you away
away from everyone
to rot and not bother anyone
ever again"
But no
They never say that
Instead they drive me even more crazy
I don't need this shit
I don't want this life
They're right
I'm a  useless waste of space
I don't need you to tell me
I already know
I knew before you did
Why do you think I have these SCARS?!
THEY DID THIS TO YOU!
No, That wasn't me s
VoicesMy throat
It feels like it's closing
I want to say something back
But...
I just can't
I literally  can't

Run. Run away.
That's what you always do!
Shut up and run!
That's all you're good for!

I believe it. I run
That's all I'll ever be good for
Avoiding my problems

Why haven't you killed yourself already? No one wants you here anyway!

That's what I wonder sometimes...

You see those pills? Take them. Or that razor? Use it.

Just leave me alone
Stop whispering bad things in my ear
I just need to cry

That's all you do these days! You need a drink.

I need you to stop bothering me.
Get out of my head!

But why? I'm the
The monster in the mirrorI look in the mirror and all I see
Is that freaky little monster staring back at me
She does so much damage but means no harm
Her parents she does not want to alarm
So she keeps her feelings bottled up inside
Paints on a smile and acts like everything is fine
Puts on long sleeves and pretends the scars aren't there
It's not like anyone would even care
She waits until nighttime to sit and cry
Thinks about how much she wants to die
When everyone's asleep, she lies awake
Thinking of how many pills she'd have to take
Or how deep the wound would have to be
So people would finally hear her plea
Her need to see blood pour from her wris
DifferentSmiling
Crying
Hating
Dying
It's not worth trying
I'm not surviving
Hurting
My heart can't take this much pain
In the end, there's nothing I will gain
Cutting
To numb the aching in my chest
Making me different from the rest
FakeThe smile you see
Couldn't be more fake
The more I laugh
The more I ache

I know you said
Give happiness a try
But the more I try
The more of my goes to die
Some Of You DiedYou said you hadn't meant it
You said you hadn't cried
Although you won't admit it
You know some of you died
WeaknessEmptiness fills me
Runs through my veins
Makes them run cold

I want to scream
But my screams turn into sobs

I want to shoot daggers into your back with my eyes
But those daggers turn into tears
Weak, pittyful tears
I make myself sick

Shedding tears
Is a sign of weakness
If you're weak, you get taken advantage of
And I don't want that to happen to me
Although I think it's already too late...
UntitledI'm different
Weird, fat, and depressed
Obviously, not like other chicks

I understand that
But why do you have to
Point it out every
Fucking chance you get?

There has to be
Something even remotely
Acceptable
About me

Right?
HateThe hate I feel is overwelming
Chewing me up on the inside
Numbing my bleeding heart
Prying open the scars
Slowly making me die
Browse More Like This

More from ~DarkAngelWithWings

The monster in the mirrorI look in the mirror and all I see
Is that freaky little monster staring back at me
She does so much damage but means no harm
Her parents she does not want to alarm
So she keeps her feelings bottled up inside
Paints on a smile and acts like everything is fine
Puts on long sleeves and pretends the scars aren't there
It's not like anyone would even care
She waits until nighttime to sit and cry
Thinks about how much she wants to die
When everyone's asleep, she lies awake
Thinking of how many pills she'd have to take
Or how deep the wound would have to be
So people would finally hear her plea
Her need to see blood pour from her wris
No one's listening. . .With every breath I take
I feel as if there's someone hammering at my head
And clawing at my heart

With every move I make
Something is tearing me apart
Making me grow weak

With every word I speak
Someone else gets hurt
And I'm ignored once more

So tell me...

What's the point of me screaming
If there's no one to listen?

Featured in Groups

:iconxslitxwristxtheoryx: :iconimreallynotokay: :iconweareemoemoarewe:
×

Nightmare

:icondarkangelwithwings:

I can't breathe
I can't move
All I can do is watch
As I lose
Lose this battle
Break the promises
Reach for the knife
And end my torment
I stop
Look at the knife pressed on my wrist
Is this the right thing to do?
My head soon filled with memories
The hurtful words, the evil laughs
The imprisoning acts
Condemning me to silence
Or else the pain will last
Having remembered all this
I have made my decision
I drag the knife down my wrist
Making a big incision
The room spins
I feel myself fall
But I don't feel pain
I'm gone
I wake up
Breaking into a cold sweat
Checking my arm
Thank god it was all
Just a horrible nightmare

68

18 17 1
:icondarkangelwithwings:

Nightmareby ~DarkAngelWithWings

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Really doesn't make any sense unless I explain it. Oh well. Interpret as you will.
©2012-2013 ~DarkAngelWithWings
Category: Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

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Submitted on
March 27, 2012
File Size
887 bytes
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:iconamidala137:
~Amidala137 Sep 27, 2012  Student Photographer
I have more and more nightmares about cutting the further I get in my recovery. Last week I had one that my arms were so sliced you could barely see them they were so covered in blood and my mom didn't say a word. And I'm 189 days clean. :/
Reply
:icondarkangelwithwings:
~DarkAngelWithWings Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I'm so proud of you! You're so strong. I know it's hard to ignore the triggers, but you've fought it this long, you can keep going :)
One time, I had a dream that there were huge holes clean through my wrists, and it was so real I could actually feel this intense pain. I ran to look for my mom, but no one was there. When I woke up, I could still see the holes through my wrists, and I could still feel the pain, but I thought it would go away soon. It didn't, so I wrapped them up and at the end of the day, I checked and they were gone.
Reply
:iconamidala137:
~Amidala137 Sep 28, 2012  Student Photographer
Ahhh dreams. Interesting things.. My mama takes me out for ice cream every time I hit a significant number. Almost at 200. Ice cream for me? I think yes!
Reply
:icondarkangelwithwings:
~DarkAngelWithWings Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I don't get rewards. I don't even really count my days, since I know I'm going to relapse sooner or later anyways..
Reply
:iconamidala137:
~Amidala137 Sep 29, 2012  Student Photographer
Well that's not a good attitude..
Reply
:icondarkangelwithwings:
~DarkAngelWithWings Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I know, I'm a pessimist.
Reply
:iconamidala137:
~Amidala137 Sep 29, 2012  Student Photographer
I'm an optimistic pessimist. My glass is half full of emptiness.
Reply
:icondarkangelwithwings:
~DarkAngelWithWings Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
that's an interesting perspective.
Reply
:iconnirrok13:
~Nirrok13 May 9, 2012
I think it does make sense. You had a nightmare where you gave into a big fear. I love the imagry, I can see it. Fantastic!
Reply
:icondarkangelwithwings:
~DarkAngelWithWings May 11, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you! :D
Reply
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